Find meaning in myself

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deej737's picture
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Last seen: 2 years 34 weeks ago
Joined: 02/09/2015:43
Posts: 15

Well it has been a year since I and my partner ended our shared time together and I feeel it is time for a change. I'n my down time I focused on my school and work life, yet my personal life lacked. I did however make great strides in my education and professional life, I feel left out in my emotional and comforted side. I am makinking a post to let othersn know how I feel and to ask others how they have delt. I wentthrough a long self journey as well as the reflection. I fpersonally found out I am more gay than straight, but in the end have no idea what that entails. If you read please do not judge me on this, if you want to judge me get to know me. I am just confused because I do like women, but honestly I think guys are just plain hotter. I can appriciate the beauty of women, wtf is up with me.

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deej737's picture
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Last seen: 2 years 34 weeks ago
Joined: 02/09/2015:43
Posts: 15

spelling is horrible due to phone fml

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Love is frankly crazy.

deej737's picture
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Last seen: 2 years 34 weeks ago
Joined: 02/09/2015:43
Posts: 15

last post, my grammer is off due to my phone, but I feel like I am bullied, I mean fuck I am 22 and at college, but yet I am made to feel like shit, It is messed up. I head to the gym to deal (basically everyday) but if I am getting crap my fellow beings ,must be getting it as well and honestly I would like to chat with others who get shafted (the bad way lolo)

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Love is frankly crazy.

hitch's picture
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Last seen: 31 weeks 11 hours ago
Joined: 02/05/2011:10
Posts: 558

if you are sexually attracted to both males and females even a little bit you can say you're bi. It's all just labels though, just love whoever you want. Brush off the BS, your opinion of yourself is the most important. Forget the haters, a little confidence goes a long way (actually makes one sexier)

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Refined, not domesticated.

Proletariat, not plebian.

Hooligan Hero.

Jesha's picture
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Last seen: 1 year 31 weeks ago
Joined: 02/16/2015:28
Posts: 140

As for "wtf is up with me." I believe you're simply experiencing a very natural process of self discovery.  It can be scary, and confusing, and when discovery is found it's elating.  But know that it is always okay, nothing is wrong with you, and whatever your attractions are, they are exactly the right ones.

Life is generally confusing.  Emotions are often hard to interpret.  I too have shared a similar confusion and I'd like to share the journey of my identity if you would care to read it.

Keep in mind, I currently identify as a gay man.  What the future may bring, I can never know.

I was aware that I was sexually attracted to my male friends at the age of 12.  Girls were attractive in a different, harder to explain way.  I shared my feelings with one of my friends, who betrayed my confidentiality, and rumors echoed throught my middle school.  I went way into the closet and got a girlfriend.  The betrayal was strong enough that I had convinced myself that I would only ever be straight. I had two more girlfriends in highschool, but continued to feel attracted to guys.  I denied these emotions every day.  I met a stranger in Ohio who became a friend.  She had no way to contact anyone I knew here in PA.  I confided in her that I was attracted to guys.  She smiled and gave me a hug.  This was such a stark contrast to my previous experience, and finally allowed me to explore my desires.  Once I left for college, I decided I was going to be okay with being attracted to guys.  At first I labeled myself as bi with a preference for women.  As I explored further this slowly changed all the way to bi with a strong preference for men.  The reason for this was that I had fallen in love with, and had my heart broken by several women in my life.  I am, and will always be capable of falling in love with a woman.  But then one day it hit me -- if I pictured all the women I'd ever loved as men, I was significantly more attracted to them.  This was the moment where I learned to separate physical/sexual attraction from emotional attraction.  I have an emotional attraction to men and women, sometimes strong enough to become love.  I have a physical attraction to men, and only men.  Though I can appreciate the asthetic beauty of a woman, I am not sexually interested in them.  Because of these traits, I consider myself to be gay.  That however is only my opinion.  Someone who has a similar attraction to my own may call themselves bi, or simply choose not to accept any label.  I would like you to ask yourself a question.  Is your attraction to men/women sexual/emotional?  You certainly don't have to be sure about the answer to this question either.  This question may even be irrelevant to you.  To find the answer, you first must ask the right question.  With time and effort, I know you will discover yourself.  We are all continuously re-discovering ourselves.

I hope this has been helpful.  I wish you answers to your questions, discoveries to your search, and peace to your troubled mind.

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The name that can be named is not the eternal name.

deej737's picture
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Last seen: 2 years 34 weeks ago
Joined: 02/09/2015:43
Posts: 15

Thanks for your comments, I have to sit down and search myself

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Love is frankly crazy.

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